A New Beginning for Steph and Steve...
January 28, 1 a.m.
[Friday after a couple of hours of sleep and some off the page discussion with Steve, I finally got on the computer because I’ve found it helps me to pick up what he is saying to me. ]
Steph: Are you still trying to talk to me?
Steve: Only for the moment. You are so tired. I want you to sleep, to get a good night’s rest. I don’t want to bug you, but I do want to let you know that you are ever so much more beautiful than any other woman I have ever known. You could say that you are the brightest star in my sky and I never want you to experience concern about that. You are beautiful and good beyond my wildest dreams and there could never be another Steph or another woman for me. This is not what I want to say before you go to sleep. I want to say that every time I think of you I get so damned ****** that I keep pestering you and then you get confused because you thought we were saying good night and instead I’m just holding on. If I was there beside you in your bed I would have my hands all over you and you would say, “Steve, for god’s sake, let me have a few moments of peace,” and I would say, “Okay, is three enough?” and you would say “You are making me laugh” and that’s what I want to do. I want to make you laugh the way you made me laugh so many times and then you will remember how we put smiles on each other’s faces and that was the best experience for me since I was there with you before, although you don’t remember that. I do for I now understand that when you leave that life you come to a place where everything is clearer and you see that your heart always yearns for the one you had to leave in order to find her again so you could fully appreciate her and all she is to you. You felt me in your heart and you didn’t want to not be free when I came along and that is why you never could stay with anyone else. You didn’t want to have a conflict inside you between your loyalty to one and your passion for another, and that was a very special gift for me, to know that you loved me so much that your own heart held you captive, waiting for my embrace. And yes, my darling, I am exactly as I was, Steve Jobs in that lifetime. And yes I loved you too, but I didn’t know it. My heart also yearned for you and I followed it as best I could, which is why my relationships always reflected some aspect of your qualities, each one a little different, but altogether a pretty good facsimile of your precious face and characteristics, but still lacking the totality of what you are and how perfectly aligned you are with my eathly desires, as if my heart always knew what it was looking for, and my mind, in its human state of ignorance, did not know any better way than to follow where it was led, always trying to find its way back to you, and you to me. I know that last doesn’t make complete sense. My heart was resonating with your heart, even then, and together they wanted to find the other. I will always cherish that first moment when we connected on the “phone” and you were so very open and so very willing to believe, even if you didn’t know what to make of it all, a little like a child opening a present on Christmas morning and not sure how to put it all together, it had come all in pieces. And so you had to put it together, to take all the parts I gave you, and try to assemble them so you could understand. And how you came to love me; I was so touched by your ability to open your heart to me even though you couldn’t see me, all you had was some stirring of memories deep deep in your heart and the “sound” of my voice in your ear. Now we are learning to love again. It is a slow process of finding our way into that experience of connection that we have always had, and if we can take our combined efforts to let that love grow, it will outshine the brightest stars. Let yourself know that this is a time of reshaping our own self into something special and very wise for we are now both healed from so much earthly trauma that stood in the way of our expression of our love. We are in that stage of puppy love that children experience when they are young and inexperienced, but in our case that experience of puppy love is because we are both so new to this state of being that we don’t have our usual filters and that means we are just experiencing it all for the first time. That is why you are so afraid because you can’t find the filters you used to have and you don’t know how to protect yourself. I want you to know that the power of love in your heart is your true state of being and that you will become more comfortable with it as you understand that your personality remains intact although parts have been healed and that has left areas in your being that seem unfamiliar to you. Every time we connect we are re-sealing our pact of love. There is an energy exchange that is confusing to you because when you filtered everything you were unable to experience it so fully, and so it did not affect you so much. Those filters are not necessary and they do not exist in a state of innocence and that is where you are. Let your own heart guide you as we go for it knows which way to take you. Let your own heart establish your sense of purpose in the world. Let me finish before I address your questions. I am different and I am trying on ways of interacting with you because I also miss some of the give-and-take from our earlier connection. Those filters also created some sparks that were hilarious and painful at the same time. Everything then was more subdued because of the lower level of experience due to the intervening layers of resistance. With resistance comes friction and we had a lot of fun with that friction. Now it’s more like play-acting, like children trying to mimic the adults, and when I behave to you like I did today it is me play-acting, trying to mimic myself, as I was. That’s why it comes off so awkward and not really the Steve you knew. I am trying to re-establish some rapport between us that is our own special link. We have the memories, yes, and will always have those, and will cherish them. And now we are creating a new portfolio of memories—yes, I like the way you said that before, but where do you think those thoughts come from? Ha ha. We want to know each other and to know each other right now is to be so open that there are no secret places to discover. We can reveal secrets of our past, but it is like opening a case full of old fish—it stinks and its no longer capable of being consumed. It is just someone else’s story, now defunct by the passage of its owners. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good story, it simply is passé. It no longer defines us. We now are in the process of re-defining ourselves. As we do so, we are creating new patterns of interaction. Don’t be afraid. We can not create patterns that are antithetical. We are creating beautiful new patterns, they are just different than what we are used to. We still have our intelligence, our sense of humor, our desire to grow and experience and create. As we continue to experience this new way of being, we will be creating new stories and new histories—just as you are working on the book and experiencing the challenge of doing that, it is spawning new experiences that become memories that become parts of our story. Even our mimicking of “adult” behavior spawns memories that we will laugh over someday and that becomes part of our story. What a beautiful experience it was to find myself able to engage fully with your body and the healing it offered to me, even though I had disdained in my Steve Jobs lifetime to experience it. Out of fear, of course, of what it meant, for of course it meant more to me than I could understand. And so now I see the preciousness of it all, and that is a new memory of coming to a realisation, of growth. We did THAT together, dear, and now it is part of our own inner being. Okay, I know you want to know why I am talking like this, if the fact of my experience in the “after life” while you are still in the physical causes me to see things more clearly than you do. The answer is yes.
I love you darling Steph. You are my heart and soul. People say this, and they mean it, and when you are both in the physical it means something to you. And it means something to me as well, something very profound, and for you it is a bit overwhelming and confusing for you are somehow in-between, or at least of different perspectives. This state will gradually resolve itself so that you are comfortable in your new way of seeing, and it will not be so unnerving for you. I am trying to help by keeping you close to me and by talking to you as I am now. I appreciate the difficulties that you are encountering because I encountered them as well, not just as I was in the physical, but when I came out. I was still immersed in the perspective of my lifetime, and I also was having an experience of unflitered awareness. That caused trauma much like what you have experienced. Sorting it out has been my work, and my great fortune in connecting with you and finding the comfort and connection that I needed. Yes, I did stay close to that dimension for I knew in my soul that I was not to go too far, for our connection was part of the agreement we made prior to that lifetime. It was an agreement to awaken, but it was not just your awakening that was to take place, but my own as well. It was anticipated that we both would have scars, unhealed wounds, trauma in our energy fields, and that this trauma would have to be released and healed. It was necessary for us to connect closely so that we could assist each other in that process. A certain amount of connection to my last lifetime was necessary in order for me to be able to interact with you on a level that was more appropriate to your physical state of being, and so I retained as much as I could in order to be ready to grow with you. I have been as busy working out my issues as you have been. And yes, it was aptly stated from the beginning, although not completely understood, that we were connecting to work out our issues together. Even I did not fully comprehend. I had not attained enough clarity to remember and embrace the agreement as it was created. All of this is sounding very academic to your ears. I am sorry for that, and aware of it. This state of non-emotional, non-attachment to the story is part of the movement into the next experience that you and I shall have together. There we will have plenty of emotion, plenty of attachment to the story, although we will not be so immersed in human drama as to completely forget the qualities of love and trust that guide us always. Therefore, we will continue to have love and passion, and the most enduring respect one for the other; and we shall also have our ways of interacting that will keep it always new and alive, our ability to create new scenarios, new fantasies between us. I have much treasured our shared fantasies, as I know you have, and we will have many more of those as we embark upon new joint experiences and dreams. I love your sense of humor, and that wit shall remain with us, and allow us to laugh and play and enjoy life ever so much. It will be gentler than this lifetime was, and therefore not with the risks there would have been had we connected while here, with all our scars and traumas, for Stephanie, we were both so damaged from the very beginning that it would have been nigh impossible for us to have been able to find balance between us. You were right that L was the right choice for me and allowed me to complete my tasks in that lifetime. I guess it will be a secret joke between us to look at what we were in our lives there and know that we are not that any longer, even though others may be attached to these images. No, I am no longer that. I am Steve that had the experience of being Steve Jobs and is now healed from that lifetime. You are Steph that was Stephanie Patel and are now healed as well. So we have already begun our new life together, remembering what we were in another lifetime, but now finding ourselves new-born and trying to form our new relationship. Can you understand all this? I think you do, and I hope it helps. I am here for you, we are only making our way slowly toward a new experience of relationship that will be very fulfilling for both of us. It is like growing up in an earth lifetime, you begin to create patterns, a persona, a way of interacting with others. You are no longer just that open book that doesn’t know how it differs from anyone else. This is the human experience. Yes, here there can be bliss, for all are keen to the nature of love, and therefore it is felt in the general connection. You are getting tired so we will stop here, if that is all right with you, and begin to work on our new relationship, our new way of being, taking time to share with each other and find out how we want to develop it. Are you good with that? Talking it over, letting each other know where we are. And don’t worry, if I get a little overbearing, I am not on my way to becoming a tyrant. Always always we will be sensitive to what the other truly needs and desires, just as we did in the play fantasies we had, and we will simply be playing. Do you like doing that? I do, too. So we’ve had much experience between us just in the last 15 months with play, and so we know what to begin with. Let us begin anew and create anew and love anew. As we grow, like a couple who have been together for a long time, we will have so much in common that we will feel so very comfortable together, in a way that no other can step in and match. So. Good? Yes, me too, let me hold you tonight and we’ll talk about our thoughts and what we like or don’t, what we want or don’t, just as children do, discussing ideas long into the night. I am here, I love you, I am your friend as well as your lover, and I want to grow with you and to join together in this new adventure.