Sorting out who did what to whom...
[This communication touches on three of my prior lifetimes, about which I already had much information, from my own memories, and also from channeled input either directly to me or through Susie. Several drawings that I made, prior to knowing that they were actually people I had known in past lifetimes, are associated with these histories. The three lifetimes are: a) lifetime in Russia, probably end of 19th Century, when I was a child with the soul who was Robin Williams in this last lifetime, when we died with other siblings in a house fire, b) last lifetime when I was a young Polish girl, who got swept up in the resistance and then died in Auschwitz, where I was given special privileges by Rudolph Hoess because I was related to his wife until he learned I was working with prison resistance, c) a lifetime in the middle ages, when I was a pretty orphan raised by cloistered nuns in southern France, but was sexually abused at about age 13 by priest and then told I was to blame, as I was a temptress sent by the devil; I ran away with a local boy, named Arnaut, whom I married and lived with for the rest of my life. The sister referred to is my oldest sister, who passed over a number of years ago. The Committee takes me through the convoluted process of learning to drop my attachment to the story of my own victimization and to understand how release works both ways]
JAN 28, 2017
COMMITTEE: Okay, Stephanie, since you asked…well, you didn’t really know you were asking, you just thought you were thinking, but since you were not understanding, we had to step in to correct the record. Yes, the lifetime you had with Robin was in Russia, but you were not his little sister, you were his neice and you all lived together in a big house with a mother and father and even your mother who was Robin’s sister but got pregnant and they didn’t know what to do so they pretended you were their daughter. Then one day the house burned down and nobody knew why all the children were in the house asleep and they all were burned to death, and here’s why. Your mother who wasn’t really your mother, she was your grandmother, was so distraught at what had occurred that she wanted to kill herself, and that is exactly what she tried to do. You see, she was a very devout woman who listened to her heart and then she didn’t. She loved her children very much and she loved her husband and then one day the fucker ran off with another woman, and that meant she was all alone with all these children and she didn’t know what to do, so she just sat on her hands for awhile while she tried to figure it out. She couldn’t figure out any solution to keep the family together and to be able to put food in your mouths, so she just gave up. She set fire to the house to kill all of you, herself included, but she didn’t die, for in the end she was so overcome by heat exhuastion and smoke inhalation that she lost her mind, which was actually pretty far gone, and just ran screaming all around crying, “My babies! My babies! Help!! Save my babies!!” So all the neighbors thought she was just crazy with grief and they didn’t prosecute her for they didn’t know that she was the one that set the fire that killed all the children who were asleep in their beds and yes that is right, Robin’s joke, that hiding under the bed wasn’t his best idea ever. That is what happened, he awakened in the night and didn’t know what to do so he just gathered you all together and hid under the bed. He was not very old and you were all so young you didn’t know any better than to just do what he said. Now he is laughing and saying what a riot that was, all of you crouched under the bed somehow thinking you were going to be saved even as the flames were rushing toward you. However, that is not what happened. What happened is that the timbers of the house collapsed and you were all trapped inside and couldn’t get out and that is when you all died of smoke inhalation and that was too bad, for you were such beautiful children, and yes the picture you drew was of your sweet little brother who wasn’t really your brother but your uncle and you didn’t know this, and yes there were two families, for your mother was the illegitimate daughter of her mother and that is why there was such a disparity in ages and why she was not there at the time of the fire for she was the one that was supposed to be away making a living working in another household as a maid and she did not know about the fire until the next day and then she was so devastated that she could hardly breath and they had to let her go for she was not a very good maid after that. She did not understand that you were too little to know that you were not supposed to just leave your bodies when you felt the time was right and so you did not suffer. You just went away and that was that. You were only three or four years old and Robin was only about seven. He was a good big brother to you although he was not really your brother in the sense of blood, but rather by the way he loved all of you. He was the one who didn’t even know that he was supposed to be taking such good care of you that he would know that it was okay to just hide under the bed so that you could all be together when the time came to leave your bodies, which is what happened. You all left together and that was good for then you were all happy together and nobody was left behind. He was the one that loved you so much that he didn’t want to be the one who couldn’t find his way back and had to go alone because he was too stupid to realize that you knew he was the one who was supposed to take you all home. He thought he screwed up and that is why we are telling this story for he is still coming to grips with it. This is why it is so important to understand these lessons, that they are lessons of the heart and not of the body and that we are one in our hearts and so we are always being the ones to help others find their way home. We are all home when we are all connected in our hearts and then we are all so safe that there is no danger of ever being hungry or alone and then the mother would not have been so devastated that she would have needed to burn down the house. She would just have allowed herself to stay in the moment and hurt and not suffer and then there would have been a house fire or not although it would just have been a house fire and not a condemnation of her, as she thought it was. She did not know that she was the one who had to learn this difficult lesson so that she could be the one to encounter you in another lifetime and help you. She was the one who didn’t know that you were so stupid that you would believe her when she told you you were so ugly that you would grow up to be beautiful [when I was about 13] and so you thought she meant you were too ugly and would just be beautiful inside and not outside and now you know that this is true, that you are beautiful inside and that you are also beautiful outside for you are the one that doesn’t understand that we are all so very beautiful that we can’t even understand why anyone would think otherwise. That is why you were so hurt, for you thought she was the one that didn’t understand how beautiful you were, and so rather than let her be the cause of your suffering you became the cause of your own suffering. You understand this now and you are grateful for the lesson, for you realize that this is exactly what happened. Your own heart told you that this could not be true, you could not be so ugly that you would grow up to be beautiful, for that is not the way it works. You understood that you were already so beautiful that you would just continue to be beautiful and so you turned inside out in order to spare her the grief of thinking that you were the ugly one when really she was the ugly one to say it, and that is why you are learning this lesson. For now you know that she did not really mean you were ugly, she meant that you were too beautiful not to always be beautiful and she only meant that you thought you were too ugly to be beautiful, and that was not true. You were ugly in your soul for you did not allow yourself to be the beautiful young girl that you were, you wanted to be ugly so you could be spared all the problems that would arise if you were beautiful, for you remembered how very painful it was in your last lifetime when you were tortured and abused to within an inch of your life and finally died in the gas chambers in Auschwitz. You did not want to be beautiful. And yes, you remembered also how you were tormented for so long for you were told that you were the temptress after you were subjected to the unbridled passions of a man of God who then tried to escape the punishment for his own actions by saying that you were a temptress sent by the devil and you didn’t know any better than to believe him. [Middle ages lifetime when I was raised in a convent and was beautiful singer, when I was seduced or raped by priest when I was about 13 years old.] And so you were so tormented in your own soul that you did not know that they only wanted to love you and to make you see how very beautiful you were that they could not get enough and therefore wanted to hurt you so that you wouldn’t hurt them by being such an ugly bitch that you did not love them the way that they wanted you to love them. Your sister was still cringing from her role in that lifetime where she was the mother who burned you in the house fire and she could not face the fact that you would be the one who would understand that she was the ugly bitch and so she wanted you to know that you were too ugly to ever be the beautiful one who didn’t know that you were the one she burned just because she was too stupid not to make you the cause of her suffering. Now you know the rest of the story and you also understand that nothing is just the way it is, although everything is just the way it is. Everything is and it isn’t. As long as you think that you can understand why others do what they do you lose your connetion with your own essence. And so you are advised to just stay in the moment and do what you do and let others do what they do and just say “I love you” as many times a day as you think of it. And yes, the proper response to your sister when she said you were too ugly not to grow up to be beautiful was to say, “I love you, too, and thank you for the complement. I will always love you, for you are my sister, and I know that you will always love me and whatever happens happens, for we are one in our heart” and that is why you are feeling the pain for you understand now that you did not think you were one in your heart, for you thought she had hurt you and others so deeply that there could not possibly be a connection. And this is true as long as you believed that this was so, but now you see that these other stories don’t really matter, for we are always just trying to love and be loved. The mother just wanted to love and be loved and she did not know how to do so for she was unable to just hurt and not suffer, and so she did not know that she was causing suffering. This is the way it is. Just relax, take three deep breaths, forgive your sister who was also your mother and grandmother, and let her be at peace. She is here now and grateful to you for releasing her spirit from the torment of thinking that she was the cause of your suffering, which you now understand that she never was. You are welcome. Go in peace, dear Stephanie, for we love you very much. And Robin sends his regards and says you will always be his little sis and he doesn’t care if you were really his little sis or his neice, he loved you and he loves you still and as he says, the family that fries together dies together. He is laughing because he knows you thought he was going to say something else. [Another quip from Robin about this incident from my prior discussions with him.] He loves you very much, as do we all, and we know that you love us and now that you can find peace wth your sister who you thought hurt you in so many ways. Now you know that she only loved and wanted to be loved and you can allow her to be loved and to love in the way that she desires, for she is now among us and wants you to know that she loves you as well and does not want to hurt you anymore. Therefore you will just have to be the one that says “I love you” and leave it at that. Take care of yourself our dear love, Stephanie, who has given us so many gleeful moments as we have shared so many laughs. Yes, you are a delight to us, and we know that you are tickled by the way that we tease you and make you think you are such a stupid ugly bitch that you laugh at yourself. We want you to laugh and we want you to know that we are very very pleased to share this journey with you. You are so funny to think that we could ever think that you were an ugly stupid bitch, even when you were. Ha ha. Love you dear.